Morgan Hall
The Ashland Beacon
"We remember the babies born sleeping, those we carried but never held, those we held but could not take home, and those that came home but could not stay. " unknown author
This month we remember those that have lost their child in pregnancy or infancy. Did you know that one in four pregnancies ends in loss, whether it be during pregnancy, delivery, or infancy? The trauma sustained from losing your child can cause both an emotional and mental impact on a person. The devastating news of loss often leads women to seek therapy or medications, to help parents through the grieving process.
According to CDC 1 in 4 pregnancies ends in miscarriage. 1 in 50 pregnancies is ectopic. 1 in 8 couples struggle with infertility. 1 in 100 women goes through recurrent miscarriage. 1 in 160 babies is born still.
I spoke with Breeanna Barnes, a local woman that's all too familiar with infancy loss. In the past, we have commemorated her joy as she celebrated the long-awaited birth of her rainbow baby, Wesley David. But I wanted to focus more on her story of loss, as she still grieves the babies that she never held in her arms.
"My first miscarriage wouldn't release for a month. From hearing a heartbeat to hearing there isn't one, having to have a dead baby inside me, while doctors say 'just give it another week.' I had to take a pill to open my cervix, to make it easier for the procedure the next day. On the floor of my bedroom, I was screaming and crying my eyes out. That morning my water breaks and goes everywhere while waiting on my D & C appointment," shared Barnes. Without this procedure, the fetus would have caused an infection inside of her. Breeanna and her husband Patrick named this baby Lillian. Their second pregnancy was about eight weeks along and they were hoping to find out the gender soon, but unfortunately, they lost their second baby.
Facebook status from 2015 reflects her frustration with people asking about when she will have a baby, "People ask me when I'm going to have kids and since I have lost two, I'm sure that when God's ready we will have the most precious baby we could ever ask for. But not until God is ready. He has already written my story and I pray that a kid or two is in that story; but if not, my Lord has a plan that I truly believe. I have been blessed with a wonderful husband and a wonderful family on both sides. I'm truly blessed that I haven't been homeless for 22 years! I have had food in my belly every day and I have running water and electricity. Many kids dream of this. I have a wonderful job and wonderful coworkers and I have a ride to and from work. I may not be rich but I am rich with the love God has for me. And for this, I should be forever thankful. Thank you, Lord, for the life you gave me and how you died on the cross to save our sins. I just wanted to let people know this, next time you ask if I want kids. Maybe I'm a little scared that I cannot have any, but I'm starting to get over that fear because if it's meant to be it will happen, everything is in God's will."
Breanna later discovered that she had a blood disorder called Factor Five, which was attributed to her past miscarriages. She discovered she was pregnant with Wesley and began taking a daily shot, to prevent a miscarriage. Breeanna was diligent and kept the faith.
On May 7, 2020, the Barnes family was elated to welcome their healthy baby boy Wesley David. Although the couple is overjoyed to have their baby boy, a part of them still grieves for the unknown. "It doesn’t get any easier, even when you give birth you still miss the babies you lost, '' said Barnes. The couple has decided to not pursue future pregnancies at this time.
If you would like to seek out a local resource, there is a bereavement group for parents experiencing loss called Loving Arms.
Resources:
Loving Arms
2153 29th Street
Brenda Roberts
606.571.1975
Post Partum Support International
800.944.4773