READ ME A BEDTIME STORY
The Green-Eyed Monster
By Jonathan Joy
The Ashland Beacon
Do you know what it means to be green with envy? To come face to face with the green-eyed monster? Shakespeare called it the green sickness.
These are all references to jealousy. To be jealous of someone means to have bad feelings about them because they have something you don’t.
Young Declan O’Conner was always jealous of others. And if anyone had something Declan wanted, he would just take it. Now, as you can imagine, that kind of behavior doesn’t get you many friends. “When I grow up, I’m going to be a pirate!” He’d shout at anyone who would listen. Not only would Declan steal, but he’d also pick fights with his classmates. Jealousy and anger consumed him.
When Declan wasn’t stealing or picking fights, he loved to study geography. As it turns out, these three things did make for pretty good pirate training. When Declan was old enough and mean enough and studied enough, he gathered a crew and set out on a search for treasure. Of course, being a pirate, that treasure usually came at the expense of someone else.
Over the years, Declan amassed a large following, an enormous ship called the Blue Bounty, and more than enough gold to satisfy and sustain most any person. But most people had something Declan would never have enough. Declan was greedy. He always wanted more.
With all these riches, you might think Greenbeard took good care of the dozens of seafaring crew members that risked their lives to help the dreaded, jealous pirate achieve his goals. This was not true. Greenbeard, a nickname that same crew gave Declan behind his back, was downright vicious when it came to treatment of all around.
He often screamed at his first mate, Bertha Bristol, and ignored her navigation advice.
Once Greenbeard poured a bucket on dirty mop water on top of a crewman’s head. “You missed a spot swabbing the deck!” Greenbeard barked. “Don’t let it happen again!”
On many occasions, Greenbeard would deny daily rations of food to crew members he accused of slacking.
While visiting home one holiday, Declan/Greenbeard even stole jewelry from his own mother. “Take what you can and give nothing back!” He bragged about it to the men and women aboard the Blue Bounty. Eventually, Greenbeard’s shipmates had enough.
Soon, Greenbeard would learn what comeuppance means. Have you heard that word? Comeuppance is when one gets a well-deserved punishment for some wrongdoing.
Greenbeard would get his comeuppance one night when his aggravated crew finally rallied against him.
Mutiny! It was a very quiet, nonviolent mutiny, though.
You see, thankfully, Greenbeard was a heavy sleeper. Have you ever known somebody who could sleep through just about anything? That was Declan. On this rebellious night, six of Greenbeard’s strongest, bravest team members, led by Bertha Bristol, stealthily snuck into his room at night, lifted him gently out of his bed, placed Declan in a small wooden rowboat, and let him drift off to sea.
When he was out of earshot, Greenbeard’s crew celebrated with much cheering and dancing.
When Greenbeard awoke hours later, he was flabbergasted. Notes that the crew left with him in that boat described what they had done and why. There was even a letter from his mother. Apparently, she’d planted the mutinous seed with Bertha many months before.
“Let this be a lesson to you.” His mother wrote. “Now bring back my jewelry!”
Greenbeard was incensed. He threw a fit. He vowed revenge on those that wronged him. He was sad, too, for he missed his precious treasure so much.
Bertha became the new captain of the ship and renamed her Bertha’s Blue Bounty.
Bertha Bristol went down in history as one tough pirate, but she was certainly a fairer leader than her predecessor. In fact, she was the first pirate to set up an equitable profit-sharing plan for her crew. She even added a suggestion box on deck. Bertha was years ahead of her time. No one really knows what happened to Greenbeard. Some say he started over with a new ship and crew and would spend the rest of his days unsuccessfully seeking revenge. Others swear that he turned over a new leaf that day - that he did, in fact, learn his lesson. Still, many think he drifted off far into the sea that day and was never seen or heard from again. One can only hope that Declan found a way to deal with that Green Eyed Monster once and for all. You best watch out for it, too, readers.
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