Faithful Are the Wounds of a Friend
Loren Hardin
The Ashland Beacon
This is part three of a series about Ruth who was seventy-six when she enrolled in hospice services with chronic obstructive pulmonary disease. Ruth was a retired LPN who found her niche as an inpatient physical rehabilitation nurse. In Southern Ohio vernacular, Ruth was a “catbird”. According to the Audubon Society, a catbird is “plain but has a lot of personality…has boatloads of attitude, and a quirky personality that makes it a perennial favorite.” I think that pretty much describes Ruth in a nutshell.
Ruth confessed, “I have a reputation as a big mouth; not really, I just say what I think. The rehab unit was the most consistent place I ever worked. We had meetings and there were always complaints between the shifts; but they were addressed in the meetings. Coworkers came complaining to me about things, but they wouldn’t say anything in the team meetings. Regina, our manager, would ask, ‘Does anybody have any suggestions about what we can do better?’ But nobody would say anything. I would look around and think, ‘Is there anybody else here!’ Then I would say, ‘I heard ….’; but I would never mention anyone by name. People talk and complain among themselves, but you never change anything just talking among yourselves.
“Once I went to Regina and told her, ‘I might be off base, but I just have to tell you something. Since you’ve been going to all those management meetings you’ve changed; and you’ve changed for the worse. You never come out and say ‘Hi’. You used to come out and say, ‘The kids have been….’ The only time you talk to us is to tell us about what we didn’t do or what we need to do. You never go out and eat with us anymore.” Then Regina asked me, ‘Do you really think so?’ and then she thanked me. Then a few days later she came to me and said, ‘I’ve given some thought to what you said, and you’re right’. Regina is the best manager I’ve ever had.”
It’s been ten years since Ruth departed this world; therefore, I met with Regina to corroborate and collaborate to write this series. Regina smiled as she fondly reminisced about Ruth, as if they had just been together the day before. Regina reflected, “Ruth wasn’t afraid to say what she thought. As a manager you need people like Ruth. Sometimes I would go to her and ask, ‘Ruth what would you do?’ and she would tell me. And Ruth was so funny and witty. She was always getting the staff laughing. I really miss her.”
Doug Murren, in his book, “Criticism: Friend or Foe” (2003), asserts that we all need criticism or correction from time to time, and whether criticism is “Friend or Foe”, depends upon the attitude and intent of the one offering it. He contends that criticism can be either “constructive” or “toxic”. The purpose of constructive criticism isn’t to merely ventilate or to give someone a piece of your mind. The purpose of constructive criticism is to correct, instruct and restore. In the words of Abraham Lincoln, “He has a right to criticize who has a heart to help.”
“Brethren, if a man is overtaken in any trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, considering yourself lest you also be tempted.” (Galatians 6:1).
“Open rebuke is better than love carefully concealed. Faithful are the wounds of a friend but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.” (Proverbs 27:5-6)
Loren Hardin was a social worker with Southern Ohio Medical Center Hospice for twenty-nine years. He can be contacted at lorenhardin53@gmail.com or at 740.357.6091. You can order a copy of Loren’s book, “Straight Paths: Insights for living from those who have finished the course” through Amazon.
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