The Skeleton Prince and Me
By: Jonathan Joy
The Ashland Beacon
I defeated the Skeleton Prince. I was not prepared for what happened next
Apparently, when the Skeleton Prince is defeated, his creepy minions pledge to follow the victor, their new leader. In this case, that would be me.
So, I now have an army of unflinchingly loyal minions. What am I supposed to do with that?
They’re around all the time and, honestly, it’s driving me out of my mind.
I told them, “You’re free. You’re not in any way indebted to me. Go home! Please.”
Still, they follow.
I tried a different strategy, and suggested hobbies. Crafting or Pez collecting or enrolling in a dance class would surely be more fun than hanging out around me all the time.
Only one took me up on that. Herman, or minion #37, is quite the successful dancer now. I’m proud of him.
The rest? They’re here and there. They’re everywhere. They won’t leave. They swear that they are obligated to stay close and protect me as long as I live.
I tried several times to get up early and sneak out. No matter how stealthy I am and/or how far I travel or how effectively I hide, they always find me.
I’m the type of guy who enjoys his alone time. We all need a bit of personal “me” time, right? I now find that to be impossible.
There was clearly only one thing I could do, right? Someone had to defeat me. I had to fake my own downfall. Then all these minions would leave me and attach themselves to whoever beat me.
Apparently, though, I wasn’t the first one to have this idea. I learned this while shopping for felt at the Mega Mart and who did I run into, but the Skeleton Prince. That’s right, the same Skeleton Prince I vanquished just weeks before.
It was super awkward. I said, “Hey, Skeleton Prince! What gives? I thought I defeated you.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He pretended he wasn’t the Skeleton Prince but come on. Even the minions were wise. They knew their Skeleton Prince leader when they saw him just as I did.
I’d been hoodwinked. And I totally understood why, because I was considering doing the exact same thing to get rid of these clingy devotees.
I insisted the Skeleton Prince take his minions back. He refused. We argued. Before long, we were engaged in a heated battle again, sword against sword.
I pretended to lose at one point. It didn’t work. The Skeleton Prince did the same thing, and I said, “Get up, you faker!”
Now these are not stupid minions. By this point, they had caught on to what we were both doing and what was at stake … and they were not too happy about it.
They had every reason to feel hurt or offended, I guess, but that’s no excuse for them to lash out like they did against both me and the Skeleton Prince. Let me tell you, those minions are tough. The two of us barely escaped.
Ever since, the Skeleton Prince and I have been in hiding together. He’s a cool dude. I don’t know why we were at odds to begin with. Sometimes, life is like that. Somebody you think you can’t stand might end up being your best friend.
The minions should have found us by now. We both know how good they are at finding whoever they want to find, wherever they may be.
Maybe they’re biding their time. I heard a rumor that they’d partnered with the infamous ‘Stender Witch, a figure that brought dread to the hearts of all in the land, including myself and my new best friend The Skeleton Prince. We both fear how we’d fare if ever confronted with the tough as nails ‘Stender Witch and all those minions who are pretty mad at both of us.
As a result, we move often from one locale to another. Best not to stay in one place too long.
So, if you come across the ‘Stender Witch and/or fifty or so angry underling followers, don’t tell them that we’re hiding out here in Ashland, OK? Please. You’d be doing me and the Skeleton Prince a huge favor.
THE END?
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